He Knows

Have you ever walked into a wall? Or a hand? Or anything?

Umm, I have! So many times! Brendan is always laughing with (and at) me for my clumsiness! It is to be laughed at since the only other option is to be unhappy. Sure, it hurts and may bruise, but I should've been paying better attention. After a few days of the area being sensitive the bruise goes away and maybe I'm more aware of my surroundings next time I'm in a location of a previous hurt.

That would be the hope at least!

Guys, these past few weeks have been really hard for me. For multiple reasons. And when I'm struggling and doubting and questioning the things of this world, it can become easy to doubt our heavenly father. He doesn't sit idle and just not care. He hurts with us, He desires to comfort and lead us through the season of struggle this fallen world brings.

I had to take a break from blogging, from lots of other things too. I was just not in a place where I felt I could open and honest. I felt like a dark cloud had come over me and was just leering at me, ready to pour rain out harder and harder every day. What an awful, lonely, cold place to be.

I'm not someone who loves to always be alone. Of course I appreciate time alone to an extent, but not 24/7 by any means. With the cloud I felt, even when I was with people I felt alone. Utterly alone. There have been other seasons of my life when I have felt in a place similar to what I just described. When I have been in that place, it seems like such a place where the Devil can really remind me of lies and create so much destruction, wreak havoc and hurt me. In turn, my thoughts are easily of negative things.

And that shouldn't be how it is. There is so much good to be found and focused on. Including our wonderful and overwhelming Jesus. He knows our deepest needs, our saddest sorrows. He knows our every thought. He desires to fill us, to love us, to chase after us and to just shine into the lives of those around us with everything He is.

He Knows.

As I sat in church yesterday and listened to the message being shared, I felt like I walked into a wall. I realized a correlation that I have realized time and time again. It can become so easy to feel alone when we aren't intentionally seeking our Jesus. Satan is all about separation from God. What was supposed to be only a day off of my Bible study due to a migraine turned into a full week without any Bible reading, studying or even much in the car worship. The enemy desired that division. But that isn't okay with me. I need my Savior everyday. To have a relationship with Him, I need to show intentionality and pursue Him everyday.

I know He will be overjoyed to see me. To spend time with me. To walk and talk with me.

The message yesterday was titled, From Anxiety to Peace. Immediately my ears opened and I desired to hear every word. I knew that it was a message that would truly speak to my heart.

"Fearless Faith, Infectious Hope, Relentless Love"

This is how we should live. These are the three things the enemy so desires to steal from us.

As I thought about those three things, I knew that I needed to do a reset prayer and just share that I would be intentional this week in getting back to my everyday Bible time with just Him. Get me some Jesus time. And I felt so much grace from Him. He rejoiced with me in my decision to be intentional. To pursue Him. To not give into the lies of the enemy. To find excuses of not having the time that He so selflessly is the one to give.

So I sat down to my Bible Study this morning. And man, stubbed my toe bad! The words in my devotional by Paul David Tripp in New Morning Mercies read,

"We disobey, God convicts and restores. We doubt, God works to make us people of faith.

We hunger, God feeds us with the bounty of his grace."

Man, just spoke to my heart and hungry soul. He knew how much I needed it!

And I just want to encourage all who may read this that we aren't meant to walk the journey of this life alone. We are meant to do it with those around us who love us. We should strive to surround ourselves with those who love Jesus and those who are still searching for Him. As one of our dear friends and a pastor of ours we had for a season says, "Together we will get there."

Together with Jesus and with those around us we will continue to fight the battles of this fallen world, overcome our stubbed toes, guide each other through doors rather than into walls and find ways to come out of dark clouds stronger than before.