Something I've been working through recently is this feeling of being alone.
It is so easy to feel yet so hard to feel at the same time. We are in a day and age where we can simply pick up our phones and immediately connect to so many others. We can go out and walk through stores, spend time at coffee shops. We can spend time at work or in our homes even.
And we can be not alone...
We can be completely surrounded by a see of faces. We could hear several conversations happening at the same time, at least bits and pieces. We can spend our life on our devices "connecting".
But that isn't what makes a relationship a relationship. Is it?
I have truly come to this point where I have done all of those things to help myself not feel so alone. To not feel so secluded from reality. From relationships. From others who desire relationship as I do.
These thoughts, these desires to not be alone are often on my mind. And frequently, heavy on my heart. But it is crazy to think that I can be in the same home as another individual and yet feel so far away.
At the end of the day, Brendan comes home, there is connection, there is companionship, conversation. But often through the day I try to ignore the feeling or I find motivation and get out of my broken thinking long enough to see the benefit of going and talking with my big sister, or find a friend willing to meet me at a half way point for coffee. Slowly, I have been doing better at allowing myself to reach out and try to be proactive in not spending my time alone.
In the moment, thinking about the work that would need to be put into the connecting, it can feel so overwhelming and I even question whether I will be turned down (for whatever reason) or I just question if I would honestly be able to give anything back to the person I'd be spending time with. There is one individual who I never question, never doubt. That person is Jesus. Of course.
When I started thinking about this post, I questioned myself. Will I reach anyone? Will I truly find anything within these words I feel led to type?
The answer to the first is up to Jesus. The answer to the second question is definitely yes. No matter how alone I may feel. No matter how secluded I make myself. No matter how much I may question my abilities. I know Jesus is near. He is holding my hand through the day. He speaks to me through the music I spend my days listening to. He blessed me with individuals who speak into my life and I pray allows me to speak into theirs. He has given His Word in order for us to connect on a personal level. He has created the greatest connection, prayer.
He has provided me a husband who loves Him and then loves me. Who comes home at the end of his long day and wonders how I am, how my day went. He has provided me with family who loves and takes time to speak with me throughout the week.
I knew being an hour away from so many friends and family would be tough, and although we make a point to spend time with them as often as possible, it is so easy to fall into a place of loneliness again.
That is not what Jesus desires for us though. Looking to His Word we see promise upon promise that we will not be forsaken, forgotten, expected to walk through this life alone. Most often when speaking on this topic we hear Psalm 23 shared. And although used frequently, David so eloquently sums up what I know I am needing to hear and what I am feeling led to share.
Psalm 23
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
That passage is one I memorized in 4th grade. I will never forget Mrs.Turner and her patience as my class memorized this powerful reminder. God is so faithful, you guys. He is soooooooo good. He isn't just kinda good. Not just a little good. Not just here sometimes. Our God is ALWAYS with us. He is ALL powerful. He is ALL knowing. He understands our fears, our loneliness, our diseases, our doubts, our flaws. But He loves us throughout it all. He chooses us. Even when we don't choose Him.
So if you've read through to the end, thank you. Please leave with at least one thing:
Remember you aren't ever alone.
And maybe listen to this :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow4OfW4DP9s
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