Why Blog?

Brendan and I started this blog for many reasons. We truly desire to create a community where people can know and hear how loved they are. We desire to share Jesus and how He shows in our lives with others. And we both wanted an outlet where we could encourage, inspire and share what we know. And it began with the events of this previous weekend. 

It was a okay kind of weekend. But man, Sunday came and it was so hard. For many reasons. By 6 in the evening I had really just shut myself off. I didn't know how to even put into words what I was feeling. And in turn, I was unintentionally hurting B's and my relationship and communication. 

Besides not being sure of how I was feeling, Brendan also had other things on his plate, including homework that was due in class the next day. 

Through the determination of me not allowing my feelings to ruin the night...haha...we decided to play a round of Settlers of Catan. It was fun...kinda. It was hard because as much as I tried to enjoy the game I had all these thoughts running through my brain! But they were single words. Not sentences. Not even phrases. Even I wasn't sure how to completely grasp what it was I was feeling. 

The end of the game came. I won, but I didn't even really care. And for whatever reason, as soon as Brendan left the table to go get his homework I was crying...again! And I truly didn't understand why. 

Filled with concern and reassuring he loved me, B left to work on homework. And I was home with grandma, who had taken her spot in her chair for the evening. 

I did the dishes. I cleaned our room. I folded and put away laundry. I was doing things I knew I could control. Because sometimes I don't feel in control of what I feel inside. And that scares me. Eventually, I forced myself to just stop. Sitting on my bed, I asked Jesus to help pull myself out of my head. I desired clarity and understanding of what I was feeling and why I was feeling it. And He was faithful to provide comfort. But I felt Him nudge me to think harder. 

And that is what I did. I pushed thoughts into one area of my mind and one at a time I dealt with them. It was a strange relief? To be able to truly put my emotions and thoughts "in check". 

Being a visual, check mark type of person, I thought again, about a blog. I had one for a brief time in high school but stopped. And over the years, there were many times I thought about picking it back up. But then I thought how awesome it  would be to do a blog with B! A couple's blog! It would hopefully open more communication between us, it would allow for my thoughts to be better sorted thus allowing better conversations when I am feeling overwhelmed. God is good.

And He knows. 

Shortly after I had this thoughts - like literally a matter of an hour - I received a text from B. "Hey hun? You and I need to start a joint blog. Can we maybe work on this tomorrow?" My heart and spirit were refreshed, relieved and excited for this new adventure!

And so yesterday was spent creating our blog. And here today is our first post! So much excitement is coursing through me right now! 

I found myself crying and rejoicing this morning as I listened to "Known" by Tauren Wells.

It's so unusual it's frightening

You see right through the mess inside me

And you call me out to pull me in

You tell me I can start again

And I don't need to keep on hiding

I'm fully known and loved by You

You won't let go no matter what I do

And it's not one or the other

It's hard truth and ridiculous grace

To be known fully known and loved by You

I'm fully known and loved by You

It's so like You to keep pursuing

It's so like me to go astray

But You guard my heart with Your truth

A kind of love that's bullet proof

And I surrender to Your kindness

I'm fully known and loved by You

You won't let go no matter what I do

And it's not one or the other

It's hard truth and ridiculous grace

To be known fully known and loved by You

I'm fully known and loved by You